Lefties

  In the very beginning when God made woman and man, He realized some were smarter and devised a glorious plan.   He gathered the intelligent, and to tell them from the rest, made them all left handed to identify His best.   So when you see a lefty,...

All Who Come Into Our Home

All who come into our home. bring joy beyond a doubt.   Some as they walk in the door, …and some as they walk out.

All Who Enter

  All who come into our home. bring joy beyond a doubt.   Some as they walk in the door, …and some as they walk out.

Crazy Woman

Away from home on business and at the end of day, I checked into a small hotel somewhere along the way.   While lying there in bed in the middle of the night, I heard a crazy woman screaming out with all her might.   “Open up this door”! She yelled...

Flight R.L.S.

Here I sit upon a plane. My restless legs drive me insane. The intercom beeps and the captain announces, “Stay in your seats through these turbulent bounces.”   To stay in my seat will bring me much grief. These legs want to stretch. They plead for relief. The guy on...

Fortune Cookie

    Inside a little cookie there’s a fortune to be told. Fortunes for the young, and fortunes for the old.   Fortunes to bring riches. Fortunes to bring fame. And the cookie and fortune both taste about the...

Hahaidis

  I went to see my doctor. I was having laughing spells. He said, “It’s ha-ha idis, and can’t be cured with pills.”   He told me to go home, get some rest and stay in bed. He said it’s quite contagious and can easily be spread.   As I was driving home I...

Horse And Steel Guitar

  I see you up there in the window as you’re looking down at me. I’m singing a beautiful love song while kneeling on one knee.   My faithful horse is at my side. My steel guitar is in tune. The sky is clear, the stars are bright and there’s a big full moon.  ...

How To Cook Bottomfish

  Cut off head.
 Clean and scale.
 Put on board.
 Season well Fourth cup oil Lightly poured.
 Bake one hour.
 Eat the board....

How To Cook Bottomfish

Cut off head.
 Clean and scale.
 Put on board.
 Season well Fourth cup oil Lightly poured.
 Bake one hour.
 Eat the...

How Yogurt Got It’s Name

  There was a girl named Gurtie, who wasn’t very purdy. An Italian girl who weighed a half a ton. She ate ice cream every day, so the boys all stayed away and she asked, “what can I do to catch me one?   Well, her dad was pretty smart, and loved his fat...

I Don’t Like Cats

  They’re God’s creatures and I wouldn’t be mean but when it comes to cats, here’s the thing; I don’t like them… have no doubt, so if you have free kittens, count me out.   I like dogs, and horses too. Goldfish, elephants, and even you, Zebras, lions, tigers,...

My Dog Would

  My dog would pull me from a fire. or from drowning in the sea. Save me from street muggers who are mean as they can be.   My dog would have a Bulldog scared and shaking in his knees My dog would…if he could… but he’s just a...

On Bended Knee

  I ask my love on bended knee, “Sweetheart will you marry me?” To which I heard a quick reply.. “Yes, as soon as pigs can fly.”   So I looked high, and I looked low for a real smart pig, and do you know., I found that pig sitting in a sty, And in a week or...

Rose

  I thought Rose was a beauty the first time that we met. But her beauty soon departed when she lit a cigarette.   Smoke came streaming from her mouth and sailed across my nose. She became a stink weed, and no longer was a...

Sports Fan

  I love the game of football. And, baseball I adore. I love golf and basketball, But dear, I love you more.   So never think I put sports first. You mean much more to me. Now zip your lip and move aside. You’re blocking the TV!...

The Guide Dogs

            (Old joke put to rhyme)   Ted and Fred were out walking their dogs and decided to stop for a drink. But a sign made them freeze, “No pets allowed please,” so they stopped for a moment to think.   “Just follow me and do as I do,” said Fred as he...

The Guide Dogs

  (A joke put to rhyme)   Ted and Fred were out walking their dogs and decided to stop for a drink. But a sign made them freeze, “No pets allowed please” so they stopped for a moment to think.   “Just follow me and do as I do” said Fred as he walked...

When Apple Trees Grow Cottage Cheese

  When the stars no longer twinkle and the moon has polka dots… When kitty cats are friends with rats, and cows are astronauts…   When a nickel buys an airplane and pigs know how to fly When apples trees grow cottage cheese, and “hello” means “goodbye”.   When...